User Profile

I am an exciting and influential figure in the world of guinea pig breeding. After assisting in the Middle East Peace Talks (we saw how that worked out) I helped Jimmy Carter revitalize the fertile fields of the South after the last catastrophic floods. And in the evenings I like to translate Mesopotamian Linear B cuneiforms and bake cookies.

Defeating El Niño and greeting La Niña are but two of my meteorological masterpieces, while many marvel at my vinyl and duct tape sculptures of Galileo Galilei. When I am not running the Iron Man Triathlon, I can be found cross-pollinating oak and eucalyptus trees. My friends duck when they see me coming. Despite assurances to the contrary, I am still convinced the Teletubbies killed Kennedy.

From building butane-powered potato guns to stocking and maintaining king-sized fish tanks, running a popular and ever-mutating web site, to constructing robots for Battle Bots, I'm always making something (and it's usually pretty dangerous). If you want to know what happens when a potato flies through a living room wall at 80 mph, I'm your man.